Local Trimmings

During my lunch break I tried out a new barbershop. I don’t ask much of barbers. In fact, under the tutelage and encouragement of my friend Mark, I cut my own hair for a few years with a pair of Wahl clippers affectionately known as the Silver Bullet. The cutting of my own hair lasted only as long as we had an extra bathroom that could be fully dedicated to my clippings, and I’ve since sought out traditional, inexpensive barbershops to give me a better result in a fraction of the time and with almost no effort on my part.

In New York, I’d been using a barber on 80^th, just off 2^nd Avenue. He was perfectly fine, rarely busy, and at the price point I found appropriate for the work required: about $18, including tip. But a few days ago I noticed a traditional spinning barber pole a block and a half from our apartment.

There was no wait when I stepped in at 1:30. I checked my wallet for the requisite $14 (plus gratuity, which I was not yet able to calculate). Finding said wallet empty, I started for the ATM, but the male proprietor (there was also a woman, presumably to handle the rest of the “unisex” customers) told me it would be fine to go after. I sat for the cut, and found my experience to be similar—or possibly superior—to that at the 80^th Street shop. (This shop, to be clear, is on 81^st, between York and 1^st, but closer to York on the south side of the street.)

• Pro: The new barber’s breath was pleasant, relative to the other. This is important, as barbers spend a lot of time breathing on you.
• Con: The TV next to the chair was off. Boring. I liked watching the TV rather than myself.
• Pro: The TV next to the chair was off. So the barber wasn’t watching it too.
• Neutral: He was fast. So is the other guy.
• Neutral: Minimal or no waiting. I suppose some might infer here that no one else goes to the barbers I go to. That may well be the case, but again, my reasoning for not cutting my own hair is based solely on laziness.
• Neutral: Rather than gently moving my head as needed, he preferred instead to use little slaps. This made the experience seem a little manlier.
• Con: Unlike the other guy, the new barber didn’t have a belted-on, hand-held head massaging appliance, a device reminiscent of a tiny floor sander.
• Pro: Actually, never mind the previous con. That thing hurts a little and probably smoothes the brain.
• Con: The new guy didn’t use the straight razor for the back of the neck.

I was at my desk just in time to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, complete with little hair particles, before I had to get back to work.