Last week, a frequent-reader-(sure) -first-time-commenter inquired about the movement of goods and services between the Tiny Fun House (central), the Units and the Reston Annex. First, let me clarify something. The tone of the phrase “goods and services” implies that we are conducting commerce between the various TFH branches. We are not. Rather, we have ownership over the items at all three locations*–the branches fall within one domain: ours.
However, the commenter is smart to ask about the means by which items are deposited and retrieved from the Units, which are in Arlington, the Reston Annex and the tiny apartment in New York City that we call home. The truth is, this movement occurs in myriad ways. But I will describe in a series of posts some examples.
The first leg of a customary sweep of all locations, originating in New York, might go like this:
- 17:35. Walk four long blocks and three short blocks to a Subway station on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.
- 17:45. Descend into station, jostling with others trying to squeeze through the gates to catch a downtown 6-train.
- 17:55. Get off at 33rd St. station, ascend steps. Mutter about train departure; shove someone who’s in the way.
- 18:05. Enter Penn Station, find bank of ticket pick-up machines. Stand in short line while two buffoons and one marginally crazy person attempt to operate three of five machines; one of the others is broken, the fifth is blocked by an unmanned suitcase. Consider calling security just to free up that machine.
- 18:07. Add voice to cacophony of voices already filling marginally crazy person’s head by saying, out loud, “Just push the button. Push it. Come on, push it.”
- 18:08. Secure ticket by finally asking buffoons if unmanned suitcase is theirs. Male buffoon mumbles somthing about machine not working, but he is mistaken. Walk away, ticket in hand, 28 seconds later.
- 18:10. Enter scrum headed for platform 11 East seconds after boarding announced for southbound Amtrak Regional service, with stops at Metro Center, Newark, Philadelphia…
- 18:15. Board train, secure empty seat pair. Look scruffy or mean so as not to attract a seat-mate, thus enabling the hogging of both outlets for use: laptop and cell phone.
- 18:20. Depart for (more) southerly environs.
- 19:00-something. Finally end up with non-outlet-requiring seat-mate. Depart for snack car.
- 19:00-something+5 minutes. Secure and consume one Amtrak cheeseburger, one Mountain Dew and one bag of potato chips. Seconds later, resolve to stick to normal diet of Amtrak veggie burger plus Bud Light**.
- (25:00 hours (yes, in the future)). Get bored writing post recounting your technically eventless evening of travel. Resolve to move along with the business of getting to sleep.
- 21:20. Give into the New Carrollton temptation: Get off train one stop early to hop directly onto Metro Orange Line toward Vienna. It looks so tantalizing in the moonlight, those six cars gleaming. And only a hundred or so feet away, on the next platform.
- 21:23. Swear the Metro Orange Line-Vienna train driver winks as he shuts doors in your face. Sit outside, on cold, sticky platform, in the moonlight, as gleaming Amtrak train also departs for cozy Union Station.
- 21:45. Depart New Carrollton on next Orange Line-Vienna train, just in time to hear announcement of single-tracking adventure for Vienna-bound Orange Line trains. Expect delays.
- 22:55 Disembark Orange Line at West Falls Church station, board Fairfax Connector #505 in the direction of Reston Town Center.
- 23:20 Pull cord for Reston East Park and Ride. Walk 10 minutes to quiet, woodsy office park, keeping eye out for foxes, rabid and otherwise.
- 23:30 Find Toyota Camry waiting faithfully in parking lot, expired tax sticker to the wind. Unlock, start, and drive 1 mile to destination: the Reston Annex. Floss, brush teeth, write post, go to sleep.
*For the sake of argument and sanity, let’s just say that the Units are one location, rather than three-plus.
**Sorry, no Coors Light on the Amtrak. I think that one of their trains might be named the Silver Bullet, though. Or maybe it’s the Comet or the Cupid…
The level of detail exhibited in this post is fantastic. I now feel like I could navigate this NYC-Reston, VA leg of the journey with some success. Thank you, sir.
However, I remain interested in how items–either new acquisitions or old belongings, which were stored for safekeeping within “The Units”–are accessed and transported back to the big city. For the sake of discussion, perhaps the expert(s) can address the hypothetical scenario of how he/she/they would transport a large trash bag full of sweaty, past-their-prime, running shoes (size 13) back to New York.
Additionally, when new items do arrive at the TFH “Home Office”, how do the interested parties make room for them in their cozy space? Is there a TFH bylaw that requires disposal of one item for every new item that is brought into the apt, such that the total amount of stuff remains relatively level? If so, do all parties observe such rules consistently or is there some smuggling of extra material rations–US Weekly back issues, Russian photography equipment, etc.?
Well, for some your answers, “Mark,” you’ll have to wait for the third leg. Some of your other questions are politically charged, and will take time to answer correctly. But believe me, your questions are duly noted. We care about our readership. And, P.S., any size 13 retired running shoes would never make it all the way up the stairs to the TFH unless they were on your feet.
I’m glad you were kind enough to specify directions to the nearest subway STATION, unlike a local Starbucks barista who, upon being asked directions to the nearest subway, sent two hapless souls to a sandwich dealership.