The Surprise Honeymoon Rules, Vol. I
1. I will not do anything that is considered illegal in my host country.
2. I would prefer a destination where it is not necessary to bribe border officials or transportation agents in order to ensure smooth travel.
3. I would rather not be in motion for more than 15 hours each way (not counting layovers).
4. While I am too hyperactive to lie on the beach for hours, I do not want an itinerary so action-packed that I return from my honeymoon thoroughly exhausted.
5. I will not ride in any vehicles that I know to be smuggled or stolen.
6. I prefer to remain at least 80 miles from areas known to contain land mines.
7. If traveling to a cold destination where sitting out by the pool is never an option, I would like at least one opportunity to sit in a jacuzzi or indoor pool for a minimum of fifteen minutes. (In other words, one defining characteristic of a honeymoon is that it requires purchasing new swimwear.)
8. I would like to avoid bedbugs at all costs.
9. My general opinion is that while "winging it" by finding last-minute accommodations is often part of a great travel adventure, paying to sleep outside at an overbooked hostel doth not a romantic vacation make.
10. Minimal cause for panic attacks--always a good rule of thumb for vacay!
11. As our honeymoon will occur during early hurricane season, I am wary of hurricane hot spots.
12. If we are traveling to another country and a different language is spoken there, I would like to know what that language is (if it can be revealed without compromising the secrecy of the destination). For example, being told that I will need to learn some conversational Spanish or French would certainly narrow down the possibilities but not give away the destination, while "Time to learn Nepali!" makes it really freaking obvious.
13. While vegetarian options galore are not necessarily a requirement, I do not seek a travel spot where the only culinary delight is roasted on a spit (or where there is no food at all).
14. The destination(s) must be finalized at LEAST 6 months prior to departure. Basic travel arrangements (flights, hotels, etc.) should be made at least 5 months in advance, barring any extenuating circumstances. The GTB’s failure to get in gear does not constitute an extenuating circumstance.
2. I would prefer a destination where it is not necessary to bribe border officials or transportation agents in order to ensure smooth travel.
3. I would rather not be in motion for more than 15 hours each way (not counting layovers).
4. While I am too hyperactive to lie on the beach for hours, I do not want an itinerary so action-packed that I return from my honeymoon thoroughly exhausted.
5. I will not ride in any vehicles that I know to be smuggled or stolen.
6. I prefer to remain at least 80 miles from areas known to contain land mines.
7. If traveling to a cold destination where sitting out by the pool is never an option, I would like at least one opportunity to sit in a jacuzzi or indoor pool for a minimum of fifteen minutes. (In other words, one defining characteristic of a honeymoon is that it requires purchasing new swimwear.)
8. I would like to avoid bedbugs at all costs.
9. My general opinion is that while "winging it" by finding last-minute accommodations is often part of a great travel adventure, paying to sleep outside at an overbooked hostel doth not a romantic vacation make.
10. Minimal cause for panic attacks--always a good rule of thumb for vacay!
11. As our honeymoon will occur during early hurricane season, I am wary of hurricane hot spots.
12. If we are traveling to another country and a different language is spoken there, I would like to know what that language is (if it can be revealed without compromising the secrecy of the destination). For example, being told that I will need to learn some conversational Spanish or French would certainly narrow down the possibilities but not give away the destination, while "Time to learn Nepali!" makes it really freaking obvious.
13. While vegetarian options galore are not necessarily a requirement, I do not seek a travel spot where the only culinary delight is roasted on a spit (or where there is no food at all).
14. The destination(s) must be finalized at LEAST 6 months prior to departure. Basic travel arrangements (flights, hotels, etc.) should be made at least 5 months in advance, barring any extenuating circumstances. The GTB’s failure to get in gear does not constitute an extenuating circumstance.
3 Comments:
Based upon narrowing the list of what locations meet the BTB's requirements, I've determined that only one place meets all the criteria: Akron, Ohio! Bonne Vacance!
My cousin Tom has already done a similar narrowing and determined the location that met the requirements was Scranton, PA. So, see? We do have options!
Here is a more REALISTIC LIST of destinations that meet the requirements:
-Just about anywhere in the U.S.
-Europe (particularly Greece, France, Spain, Italy, and Norway)
-Many parts of Africa
-South America
-Much of Central America
So there, you sayers of nay, you list-mockers and haters. Hmph.
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